沟通 & 自信

成为一个清晰的沟通者

Becoming a clear communicator means effectively conveying your thoughts, ideas, needs and wants. Communicating clearly helps you manage your time and your life, 自我感觉良好, 并与他人建立可信赖的关系.

知道你想说什么

• Ask yourself what it is you want: Gaining a full understanding of what you want to say will help you deliver your message.
• Practice what you are going to say in advance: Say it out loud to yourself or someone else. 不要害怕在这个过程中改变你的信息.
• Stay focused: Don’t bring up things that happened in the past.

听

• 显示 that you are listening: Make eye contact; don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask the other person to repeat what he or she has said.
• Be polite: Don’t interrupt; take turns talking.
• Be respectful: Respect what the other person is feeling and/or thinking.
• Keep an open mind: Don’t be afraid to change your mind about what you first thought when you started the conversation

说清楚你的意思

• Be direct and give examples: Help the other person understand what you’re trying to say.
• 诚实:表达你的真实感受.
• Use “I” statements: Talking in “I” statements helps you clearly explain what you need and how your feel, 不要责怪对方. 例子:“你迟到的时候我很沮丧. 我希望你能准时到.”
• Pay attention to you body language: The way you move your body and hands speak just as much as what you say.
• Don’t be afraid to say that you are sorry if you say something that is hurtful or wrong.

确保你理解了

• What do you both want: Ask the other person what he or she needs, and be clear about your needs.
• 如果你不明白, ask: Don’t be afraid to ask the other person how he or she is thinking and feeling. 不要自己去猜.
• Repeat what the other person says: A great way to make sure that you understand someone is to repeat what the person has just said, 用你自己的话来说, e.g.“我听到你说的是...”

动作和结束

• Before the conversation ends, make sure you both understand what the other has said.
• Summarize: Restate what each of you has said, to make sure that there are no misunderstandings.
• What will happen next: Make an agreement about what will happen next as a result of your conversation.
• 结束语:你们可能并不都同意对方的观点, 但要确保双方都对谈话感到满意. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation again, at a later time, if necessary.

自信是...

• Behaviors and words that express a person's feelings, beliefs and opinions
• 直接、坚定、诚实地沟通
• 尊重他人和自己的权利 
• 这是一项你需要不断提高的技能 

自信的最终目的是得到尊重!

•  Self-respect: It allows you to feel self-confident and more in control of your life.
•  Respect from others: People can sense it when you respect yourself, 所以他们会尊重你作为回报.

为什么人们不自信?

• Many of us have a fear of displeasing others, since we worry we won't be liked. 但即使你可以避免立即不愉快, you may ruin a relationship in the long run since you'll feel taken advantage of.
• They believe it's "not nice" to put our own needs above those of others.
• They believe we shouldn't "make waves" if someone says/does something we don't like.

非自信的沟通方式

咄咄逼人的

好斗的人会维护自己的权利, 但在某种程度上侵犯了他人的权利. 这通常会导致对对方的贬低, 它会导致人们失去对演讲者的尊重.

被动攻击的

A passive-aggressive person avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to "get even" through manipulation or sneaky behavior (aggressive).

被动

A passive person's individual rights will probably be violated. This style reflects the underlying belief that one's feelings aren't important, 或者那个人太弱了，无法对这些感觉采取行动.

不自信的含义

• Depression - this is the end result of anger turned inward; it gives the person a sense of being helpless and hopeless with no control over his/her life
• 焦虑——这会导致逃避. 如果你开始避免不舒服的情况/人, 你可能会错过一些有趣的活动, 工作机会, 等.
• Poor Relationships - if you are unable to express both negative and positive emotions, 别人不知道你想要什么，需要什么.
• Physical Complaints - headaches, ulcers, and high blood pressure

These are all related to stress, and assertiveness is a great stress reliever!

如何传递信息很重要

形成自信的陈述

• Be direct; express your request in just a few easy-to-understand sentences
• Think about yourself positively, and don't add qualifying statement (i.e. 你可能会觉得我疯了，但是...")
• 避免要求或指责的言论(例如.e. 你让我...你认为...你应该...)

使用“我”公式

• 我感觉——陈述你的感觉
• When——描述行为
• 因为——对你的情况的具体影响/后果
• 我宁愿——提供一个折衷方案
• 反馈——“我说得清楚吗? 你如何看待这种情况?"

注意身体语言 

• Gestures - relaxed use of these shows openness, self-confidence and spontaneity
• 声调:声调水平，调制良好，会话式的声调
• Voice Inflection - make sure your words sound like a statement, not a question
• Voice Volume - try not to speak too softly or loudly (stay calm)
• Fluence - maintain a smooth flow of speech, with clear and slow statements.
• 身体姿势-保持积极和直立的姿势
• Facial Expression - your words should express the same message as your face
• Eye Contact - look directly at the person, but don’t stare too intently (look away occasionally)

成为一个自信的交流者，减少你的压力

 自信 can help control stress and anger and improve coping skills. 通过这些步骤学习自信的行为.

学习ing how to become a clear communicator takes a lot of practice and time. 联合国大学的学生可以使用以下资源:

• 性骚扰和强奸预防计划(SHARPP)
  SHARPP is dedicated to providing supportive services to survivors of sexual assault, 关系虐待，跟踪和他们的同伙, as well as providing 教育 and outreach to the greater University community.
• 心理及谘询服务
  心理及谘询服务 is the primary mental health facility on campus. They offer counseling and therapy for students who have paid the health fee.